


Pick-Up at the Buy More

by misura



Category: Chuck (TV), White Collar
Genre: Community: smallfandomfest, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-28
Updated: 2010-06-28
Packaged: 2017-10-14 06:26:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/146341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Sometimes, though, the smartest thing to say is 'um', even if it makes you sound a little dumb.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pick-Up at the Buy More

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: _"Clones are hot!"_

"New hat?" Bryce eyes Neal's suit like he's determining what it would cost, where Neal might have bought it and what kinds of options it offers for concealing weapons.

" _Classic_ hat," Neal says. "The suit, too." To elaborate would be to give away information for free.

"You don't exactly look like the kind of guy who'd shop at the Buy More." Neal's worn jeans and baggy pants and even skirts, but today, he's Neal Caffrey, going to pick someone up for a date, and so he's wearing a suit, a hat and no flowers because Bryce would probably take that the wrong way.

Bryce is wearing the kind of pants only flexible people can get into without pulling something, a black leather jacket over a plain white t-shirt and probably more weapons than Neal wants to know. (Two guns, three knives and about a dozen other things you can kill people with from a distance if you know what you're doing - or so Bryce told Neal last time he made the mistake of asking, because he was having some trouble with a lock and didn't feel like searching the room while stark naked.)

"I don't have to. I want someone to fix my computer, not someone who wants to sell me something."

Bryce snorts, but it's a sunny afternoon and they're right in front of the Buy More where Chuck works, so he lets Neal have that one and even lets him go in first.

 

On second thought, Neal thinks Bryce may not _quite_ have let him go in first out of any kind of kindness - although admittedly the sensation of having been slammed against a wall with a hand around his throat and an angry NSA agent growling at him might be affecting his ability to think clearly.

"What. Do. You. Want?" (And Neal hates it when in books, people put periods behind every word of a sentence; it's just not how grammar works, but when your head gets slammed against a wall after every word, you kind of realize that maybe, in some cases, those periods are there for a reason after all.)

"I'm not who you think I am," Neal says, when Casey moves his hand. Bryce seems to have vanished, which hopefully means he's sneaking up on Casey while Neal distracts him.

"Oh, really?" Of course, Bryce may also have decided to throw Neal to Casey and make off with Chuck while Casey's distracted. It wouldn't be the first time. "Who do I think you are, then?"

Neal dislikes it when people try to be clever. "Someone you want to slam against a wall?" Bryce wouldn't be in this situation. Bryce would have Casey on the floor by now.

"Heh." Casey grins. "Nope, pretty sure I got the right guy."

Neal closes his eyes. He fails to see his life flashing by, so presumably he's going to live. Better yet, he's hearing someone's footsteps approaching.

"John, have you seen - whoa." Neal opens his eyes. Morgan. "Now, John, I need you to calm down. Can you do that for me?" Casey growls and releases Neal. Neal tries very, very hard not to smile. "Good, John, that's really good. Now, I know Big Mike told us to be, you know, aggressive, but you should always remember the first rule of salesmanship."

Casey growls at Neal. Neal flinches convincingly. Morgan frowns.

"Always respect the customers, John. Remember?" Morgan turns to Neal, smiling. "Sorry about that, sir, he's new. Still getting settled in, you know?" Neal knows Casey's worked here for almost a year. He nods, keeping his expression a little uncertain. "So, you were looking to get a new coffee machine? We've got some great deals this week."

"Well, actually I'm not here to - "

"Respect the _customers_ , right?" Casey asks Morgan, cracking his knuckles.

"Toasters," Neal says quickly. "I want to buy a toaster."

Morgan beams and puts a hand on Neal's shoulder. "Right this way."

 

"I think you just saved my life."

Morgan chuckles. "Naw. John's a nice guy, you know?" Neal knows Casey's killed more people than Bryce, and he has some idea of how many people Bryce has killed. Bryce told him it gets easier after a while - like that's supposed to put Neal at ease. "He's okay once you get to know him."

"If you say so." Neal wonders who he knows that he can give a toaster to.

"I do," Morgan says. "I, Morgan Grimes, do hereby solemnly declare that John Casey is an okay kind of guy and that if he were to date my best friend, he would have my blessing. There."

"You mean that?"

Morgan smiles and winks. "Absolutely." Neal's not entirely sure what he's supposed to make of that. "I mean hey, not like he got him kicked out of Stanford and ruined his life, is it? That's not John."

This isn't the first time Neal's really hated Bryce while wishing he was here at the same time. However, usually when he feels like that, people are pointing guns at him. "Um."

Neal's a con man. Always knowing the right thing to say comes naturally to him. Sometimes, though, the smartest thing to say is 'um', even if it makes you sound a little dumb.

"Toasters right ahead."

Perhaps Morgan's a bit of a con man, too, Neal thinks wryly.

 

"Morgan?" Chuck's expression abruptly goes from relieved to concerned when he spots Neal. "And I see you're with a customer right now, so don't let me - " Morgan's started to shake his head. Chuck's expression falls.

"Hey man, it's okay. I know," Morgan says.

"You do?" Chuck looks confused now.

"It's love, man. Do I know about love? If you prick me, do I not bleed? If you beat me at _Rainbow Six: Las Vegas_ , do I not weep?"

Chuck blinks. "Not really."

"If Anna stands me up because she's got me mixed up with that guy she was supposed to meet at seven and at the karaoke bar, instead of at half past at her place, do I not feel betrayed?"

"Actually," Chuck says, "I'm sorry, buddy, but I think you got that mixed up yourself. And you guys made up after that, right?"

"Made up?" Morgan scoffs. "Made _out_. Like, rawr."

"That's uh great." Chuck doesn't quite succeed in sounding like he hasn't heard this story entirely too often already, although he still sounds genuinely happy for Morgan that things have worked out.

Neal thinks that by now the situation has potential to turn out more or less all right but then, of course, Bryce steps in, from behind Chuck, where Morgan probably hadn't noticed him.

Morgan stares. Bryce smiles. Neal glares at him.

"Hey, Chuck," Morgan says.

"Yeah, buddy?"

"There was some guy standing behind me in a really nice suit and with a great hat." Neal preens. Bryce does something with his eyebrows to indicate he is not impressed. "He still there?"

Chuck takes a deep breath. "I'm afraid so, buddy."

"Wow." Morgan looks dazed.

 

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Chuck says for about the tenth time. Chuck's been doing a lot of apologizing these past five minutes, while Bryce's been doing a lot of not saying anything and Neal's been doing a lot of being smart enough to keep quiet.

"So they're - what? Twins?" Morgan looks at Bryce. Bryce puts on his sunglasses, the better to look inscrutable with. Neal thinks bad thoughts - sunglasses really don't go with either the suit or the hat.

"Not ... really." Chuck looks at Neal.

At least he's got the sense to know who can help. "Bryce and I are not related in any way," Neal says, just so Morgan knows who got Chuck kicked out of Stanford for cheating and who merely _looks_ like that guy. "We're not even the same age." Neal smiles wryly and shrugs. "I'm afraid there's really not much more I can tell you."

"Oh," Morgan says, and then: "oh," again, in a completely different kind of tone. "Right. Top secret stuff, eh? Gotcha. Don't worry: I know how to keep a secret."

Chuck's eyes are very expressive. "I'm not sure if - " Neal starts.

"You guys are - " Morgan lowers his voice " - clones. I've read all about it in this magazine."

"What magazine?" Chuck asks.

"It said on the cover that I should burn it after I read it, so I did. But I remember the article about the cloning. Crazy, right? I mean, I read it and I was thinking 'man, that's just crazy.' Who'd ever believe something like that? Except that it's true, right?"

"We can't tell you that," Bryce says. He sounds like he should be standing in front of a crashed flying saucer, telling people there's nothing to see.

"The truth really _is_ stranger than fiction, eh?"

"So you're okay with this?" Chuck asks, looking like he can't quite believe it.

"Man, you're dating _clones_." Morgan shakes his head. "That's pretty cool, you know? I mean, if _Anna_ had a clone, I sure wouldn't mind a bit of - well, you know."

Chuck's smile looks rather forced. "I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."

"Well, you know," Morgan repeats. "I mean, it's basically two for the price of one, right?" Chuck continues to looks utterly clueless. "Sex."

Chuck chokes. Morgan looks slightly confused. "You guys have been having that, right?"

 

It's generally considered rude to use one's cellphone to make a call. Neal figures Bryce can put up with a little rudeness, though. "Someone just called me a clone."

"Not to worry," Mozzie says. "If you were, it definitely would have shown up in my research. Do you know what your parents would have called you if you'd been born a girl?"

"I don't want to know how you know about that."

"Oh." Mozzie sounds genuinely surprised. "All right, then what did you call for? Need somone to bail you out? Are you making this call under coercion, possibly with someone holding a gun to your head? I'd like to remind you we did _not_ in any way, shape or form agree on mixing certain codewords into the conversation if such were to be the case. Have you eaten any ravioli recently? Did you feed the ducks in the park with the daisies?"

"Did you send a special copy of _The Lone Gunman_ to Morgan Grimes?" Mozzie _knows_ , of course; Neal can't really hide that part of his life from him. Plus, he's still not sure if Bryce isn't going to turn him in one day - or rather: he's sure that Bryce has got priorities, and that if Neal's on any list, it's the one with 'resources and other expendables'. It's nothing personal; it's just the way Bryce is. You're either Chuck, or you're not Chuck.

There are times when Neal wishes he was able to love that absolutely, that blindly.

"Maybe I did," Mozzie says. "Nice guy, you know. Chatty, if you know how to get him to open up. You ever want to get some alone time with Chuck, just ask."

"You said you didn't want to get involved." Neal didn't want Mozzie to get involved either. He owes Mozzie too much to let Bryce use him.

"There's being involved and being _involved_. Besides, I've got nothing against Chuck aside from the obvious." That he's not like Mozzie and Neal. That he believes in the good intentions of the government and other people. That he's the kind of person Neal'd be taking advantage of without a second thought if it'd help him get something he wanted.

Bryce may have killed people, but they usually were people who deserved it at least a little. Neal makes people trust him simply because it's convenient. Neither of them should be in love with someone like Chuck.

 

Chuck is talking about some new game he's been trying out, and Bryce is driving, looking like he isn't bored. Neal considers apologizing for making a call, then decides there's no need. Bryce has probably noticed, being CIA and all, but he clearly doesn't care.

"Where are we going?" Chuck is the one asking, of course.

"Hotel," Bryce says.

"Apartments seem really hard to find around here," Neal puts in. He could have found one, of course, handed it to Chuck with a bow and a smile, but Bryce wouldn't hear of it.

"Tell me about it." Chuck sounds a little ... relieved, Neal decides. Probably, he doesn't want Bryce to think less of him for still living with his sister.

 

The first thing Chuck notices when they walk into the room (Bryce has graciously permitted Neal to get them the largest suite available) is Neal's laptop. It's broken, of course.

Bryce shrugs out of his jacket. He's not wearing a shoulder holster. Neal watches Chuck interact with his laptop. "What seems to be the problem?"

"I was hoping you could tell me," Neal says.

"He fried his battery," Bryce says. "Just replace that and the thing'll be as good as you bought it two years ago."

"Oh." Chuck looks up. Byce has started to pull off his t-shirt. Neal is still fully dressed.

"We just didn't want you to come here based on false assumptions."

Chuck smiles a little sheepishly. "I didn't actually assume there would be a real computer emergency."

"Well, it's not an _emergency_ , really. Just an inconvenience."

Chuck glances at Bryce. "Um. Should I ... ?"

"I can handle it."

At Neal. "Aren't you ... ?"

"I'm just giving him a headstart," Neal says. "Or we could go and have dinner together. There's not really a dress code as such, but I do believe they require people to be, well, dressed."

Bryce puts one hand on Chuck's shoulder. It's the least possessive gesture Neal's ever seen him make when it comes to Chuck. The sunglasses have vanished some while ago, and Neal's not sure what Chuck sees when he looks Bryce straight in the eyes, but it's enough to make him slowly reach for his shirt. Things proceed quite smoothly after that.


End file.
